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Respect for intentions

— door Philip Smits — geplaatst op 25-09-2009 12:05 — 0 reactie(s)

About better understanding of the intentions of others which makes it easier to respect differences

After the death of Senator Ted Kennedy one of his political opponents spoke about an experience he had with him after a pretty heavy debate. Kennedy walked towards him and said “ I understand that while we disagree, I believe your heart is in the right place”.

To me this is what respect is all about, being able to disagree whilst still accepting the good intent of the other.

Another Senator mentioned that Kennedy spent more time bonding with his Republican “enemies” than with his Democratic colleagues. Allegedly he found it important to understand where his opponents came from.

Last week I was asked to facilitate a the meeting of a management team. Actually, it wasn't a team, it was a group of individual executives who each took care of his/her own area of responsibility.

The drive for cost effectiveness had raised the need for better integration between the business units and functions and hence the need for this management team to work closer together. An effort that hadn't been very successful sofar.

At the start the of the meeting I asked each of the team members to write what they thought their colleagues really cared about/had passion for and share these with each other. They looked at me as if I was talking in Greek, but still they gave it a try. Two things happened: in some cases people knew very well what others cared about, actually to the (pleasant) surprise of these others. In other cases they had no clue, which led people to talk about their passion. At the end of meeting all participants mentioned that they had a much better understanding of the intentions of the others which made it easier to respect differences.

It reminded me of a beautiful story I heard years ago in a negotiation workshop. It's the story of two neighbors. One has an orange tree in her garden. After three years, for the first time the tree carries one orange. The orange is on a branch which hangs over the neighbor's garden. They end up in a fight over who owns the orange. Years of friendship end with cutting the orange and each getting one piece. In the evening in the first kitchen the orange is peeled, they throw away the peel and enjoy the meat. In the other kitchen the orange, is peeled, the meat thrown away and they use the peel for an orange cake ...