Getting the full picture

Some months ago I started a coaching relationship with Rob. I got to know him as an open minded, curious person who cares about others. When I asked his colleagues for feedback I got a very different picture. They described him as a task focused, factual , at times stubborn individual. I was confused. Was this the same person I had met?

Exploring this further I started to learn that in this organization relationships are strictly functional and task focused. No time nor effort to get to know the person beyond the professional. They didn't know much about each others private life, hobbies, values. They never met outside of work. It turned out to be a deeply held belief that sharing personal information was a sign of unprofessionalism.
As a result people only saw fragments of each other. It's like looking at the individual pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, you cannot appreciate the full picture you get once they all fit together. This obviously didn't just impact Rob. It impacted many people as it prevented mutual appreciation and understanding of the 'whole' person.

In the spirit of Gandhi's saying 'You must be the change you want to see in the world', Rob is now trying to change this in his own team. He is setting the tone for more informal and human conversations.

This reminded me of an experience I had in Shell when I was the mentor of a group of young high potential women. These women had similar beliefs about sharing personal information. Even though they would like to, they felt it would be seen as unprofessional. The group agreed to test this assumption and at our next meeting Tracey, a Chinese lady told her story. At the weekly Monday morning meeting in the finance function she told her colleagues about an accident that had happened to her 7 months old son the day before. He had to be taken to hospital. I asked her what the reactions were. Actually her colleagues started to talk about their personal lives as well. It turned out that everyone enjoyed doing this but had all assumed that is wasn't acceptable. They agreed that in future they would start their weekly meeting with a brief check-in on what's going on in life outside of work. According to Tracey this had a major impact on the quality of teamwork.

My personal belief is that taking the time and making the effort to understand and appreciate the full picture of people you are working with has a huge pay back. Not only does it prevent conflict , you allow people to give their very best to the organization.

www.marjonoosterhout.com
Passion for talent