A risk of feedback

It can't have escaped your attention, Michael Jackson died. From many of the programs and articles in the media I understood that, as a young boy, his father often made comments about his nose.
We all know what happened to that nose in the course of his life.
I immediately accept when you say, “that's an extreme case”.
Yet is still is an illustration of the risk of feedback.

Feedback tends to say (at least) as much about the person who gives the feedback as the person it is intended for.
I jokingly told some people I interviewed several times to collect feedback, that I could draw up their MBTI profile based on their feedback for others.

This risk is particularly high to people who are different compared to the “norm”.
Recently I collected feedback for Paul.
Most of his respondents praised him for his patience, resilience and his ability to achieve win-win results in complex negotiation situations.
In the same sentence however they also mentioned he should be more
assertive, more forceful and less patient. What they were basically saying is “you need to be more like us”.

To avoid any misunderstanding, I strongly believe in the value of feedback. But I also believe it is important to keep in mind that we are talking about other people's perceptions.
Awareness of these perceptions is very important, but shouldn't automatically lead trying to change your style. It should most definitely not lead to sacrificing your strengths.

Paul is now using the feedback to help others understand where he comes from, why he acts the way he acts.
An approach that seems to be effective.

Have you ever thought how much the feedback you provide says about you? How much appreciation for diversity do you demonstrate when you provide feedback?

www.marjonoosterhout.com
Passion for talent